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  • Marriage: When Should You Consider Counselling?

    Marriage: When Should You Consider Counselling?

     

    The wedding bells, the white satin laced wedding dress, and the overjoyed congregation is cheering you on as you walk down the aisle. These are some of the few key highlights that people look forward to when it comes to marriage—the anticipation of happiness, security, comfort, and stability.

     

    Marriages have always acted as a form of uniting two individuals bound by the element of love. It always appears to be a rosy voyage for a newly wedded couple. However, midway through, things seem to take a turn. Then enters divorce.

     

    Approximately 40% to 50% of couples end up in divorce. Individuals who get to experience a divorce end up filing for another in their subsequent marriage.

     

    Why Do People Get Divorced?

     

    There are a myriad of reasons behind why anyone would choose to end a marriage. Infidelity is believed to be one of the top reasons; however, it is quite the contrary. Cheating among couples has been embraced as a norm, with most people embracing relationship counseling to get further insight into their partner’s sexual needs.

     

    There are other reasons which married couples hold as the Holy Grail behind failed marriages. Here are a few:

     

    Forgotten Identity

     

    Once you get into a marriage, you might experience a lack of interest in the activities that once intrigued you. This is more or less a codependent habit, where one partner relies on the other partner’s interests.

     

    A forgotten identity can invoke feelings of being lost and having no purpose, thereby creating an unhappy situation in the marriage. If you find yourself not being certain of some of the things you used to like, such as food or music, you’re most likely on such a path of codependency.

     

    Wrong Reasons

     

    Peer pressure, desperation for money, or the undying need to have a partner. These are some of the wrong reasons why people opt for marriage. Marriage is a bond or a covenant between two people who unconditionally desire each other. It is a- for better or for worse- pact.

     

    Most people end up jumping ship the minute -the worse- begins to come in. It would be best if you were certain of the life you are signing up for before you say ‘I do.’

     

    No Intimacy

     

    The start of any new relationship is always characterized by very intimate moments. The same applies to newly wedded couples. To keep the fire raging on might be a daunting task. A minor disagreement or an off day can lead to a pandora box of issues that would affect the sexual experience.

     

    Little to no intimacy can lead to trust issues, with one partner suspecting the other of infidelity. At this stage, maintaining open communication is key to avoid cases of being misunderstood.

     

    As an unwritten rule, women need romance while men require sexual receptivity. For these two to happen simultaneously, the woman would need to be sexually receptive while the man would need to be romantic.

     

    Finances

     

    A key and crucial reason behind most divorces is finance. A couple that is financially struggling is most likely to end up in divorce. The divorce is even more likely when one partner is a spender, whereas the other focuses on saving and investing for the future.

     

    When finances are an issue, the rate of conflict within that household becomes heightened. A minor issue such as leaving the toilet seat up can bring up many other unforgettable issues.

     

    Different Interests

     

    For your marriage to be successful, you need to have common interests with your partner. Shared interests are one of the foundations of a successful marriage.

     

    When Should You Consider Marriage Counseling?

     

    When Communication Isn’t Effective

     

    Are you experiencing difficulty communicating in your relationship? Have you tried resolving conflict, but it keeps leading to another issue? Then you should seek a most effective dispute resolution for your marriage. A marriage counselor can help you and your partner come up with new modes of communication.

     

    When Sex Is Not a Part of the Relationship

     

    As mentioned earlier, intimacy is a crucial foundation for any relationship. If your bedroom activity has experienced a significant change and no amount of role-playing can revive it, then a marriage counselor is the ultimate solution.

     

    A counselor will help identify the underlying problem and create a conducive environment for you and your partner to open up.

     

    When You Both Lead Separate Lives

     

    It comes to a time when couples start to lead separate lives. They tend to appear more like roommates as opposed to the initial lovebirds’ scenario. This is a dangerous stage that can easily lead to a separation.

     

    At this point, a lack of interest is being expressed by either you or your partner. You are both co-existing rather than living together in a happy home. You must get a skilled marriage counselor to help you save your marriage.

     

     Conflict over the Same Issues

     

    Are you repeatedly arguing over the same issues as a couple? Do you frequently experience those big-ticket arguments that never seem to have a resolution? This is a sign you need to get a counselor on board.

     

    Secrecy

     

    It is normal to have one or two secrets withheld from your partner. However, if the secret is significantly impacting your relationship, then something is amiss. The second foundation of marriage is honesty. Being honest with your partner helps in building trust. Seeking marriage counseling can help you develop this.

     

    Having an Affair

     

    Have you at any point had one or more than one affair? Are you continuously thinking of having one? This is a sign that your marriage could be heading to a pitfall. The desire to have relations outside of your marriage means that you are not fully satisfied.

     

    Most marriages have indeed survived after an incident of infidelity. However, sex therapy can help both of you move on and build a healthier relationship.

     

    If your marriage is experiencing any of the above, the best course of action would be to seek marriage counseling. At this point, solving the matter between you two may seem impossible. Have a neutral party sit in and hear the both of you out until an amicable solution is found.

     

    Don’t throw in the towel yet. A marriage counselor can help salvage your marriage before things get worse. It is prudent for you to realize that a family is the basic unit of society. No one said marriage would be easy. If you and your partner are willing to put in work to make it work, it will eventually work out for both of you. 

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